Today, I made one of the hardest decisions I’ve probably ever had to make…
I chose me.
But, since when did choosing ourselves become such a hard decision?
It was in that moment I asked myself this question, that I found the answer.
At 20-years-old I am now realizing just how detrimental the repercussions could be, if you are missing certain pieces during your upbringing.
Pieces that are supposed to be available to everyone in life.
Pieces that would’ve definitely helped me make smarter decisions growing into womanhood. Pieces that would have removed me from unhealthy things that I tolerated. Such as unbalanced friendships, unbalanced relationships, and mistreatment. And in situations like these, you tend to pick up some pretty bad habits.. Because with all of these instances, if you stick around, you are choosing those people; and not yourself.
A lot of the time when we feel we are missing something, we find ourselves on this outward search; looking for things in places where they are not meant to be found. And that is because we are meant to look within ourselves. Whether it be love, guidance, respect, happiness… or anything under the sun, it’s all there. Sometimes we lack the ability to not only believe, but to know that we were created with everything we’ve ever needed, right within ourselves. We have the answer.
It wasn’t until I looked inside of me, that I found what it was I really needed. This then allowed me to stray away from anything that was unhealthy and wasn’t right for me. I had to put myself first. I had to put myself in the position to start living the life that I deserved. I had to choose me.
And Jaccara, I promise, that from this day forward… I will never stop choosing you again.